Tuesday, November 27, 2012

He Wont Go - Adele

Some say I'll be better without you
But they don't know you like I do
Or at least the sides I thought I knew

I cant bear this time
It drags on as I lose my mind
Reminded by things I find
Like notes and clothes you left behind

Wake me up, wake me up when all is done
I wont rise until this battle's won
My dignity's become undone

But I wont go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

I wont go
I can't do it all alone
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

So petrified, I'm so scared to step into this ride
What if I lose my heart and fail the climb
I wont forgive me if i give up trying

I heard his voice today
I didn't know a single word he said
Not one resemblance to the man I met
Just a vacant broken boy instead

But I wont go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

I wont go
I can't do it all alone
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

There will be times
We'll try and give it up
Bursting at the seams, no doubt
We'll almost fall apart then burn the pieces
To watch them turn to dust
But nothing will ever taint us

I wont go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

I wont go
I can't do it all alone
If this ain't love, then what is?
I am willing to take the risk

Will he... will he still remember me?
Will he still love me even when he's free?
Or will he go back to the place where he would chose the poison over me?

When we spoke yesterday,
You said to hold my breath... to sit and wait
"I'll be home so soon, I wont be late"

He wont go
He cant do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
He's willing to take the risk

So I wont go
He cant do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
We're willing to take the risk

Cause he wont go
He cant do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
We're willing to take the risk

I wont go
I cant do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

Dugaan Dalam Kehidupan Bercinta

Adakalanya kita diuji dengan pelbagai bentuk ujian. Adakala sukar, adakala ujian itu terlalu manis hingga kita terleka baik buruknya.

Cinta umpamanya.. Sesuatu yang sungguh misteri. Sangat manis.. Tapi adakalanya sangat menyakitkan. Namun andai berlandaskan syariat, cinta itu pasti kekal tersergam utuh tidak goyang bila diuji. Andai sahaja yang wanita nya tahu batas pergaulan, tahu menjaga auratnya, suaranya, liuk gemalainya... Andai sahaja yang jejaka nya tahu batas dosa di mana, lemahnya iman wanita, bijak mengawal keadaan.. Mana mungkin kerosakan mampu berlaku. Apalagi dalam perhubungan teruna dara bila syaitan sering menghasut untuk ke arah maksiat. Apalagi dalam sebuah keluarga yang telah dibina atas nama Tuhan yang Maha Agung, yang mana sentiasa menjadi landasan syaitan bermain dengan api, menggugat keimanan hingga tergerak dalam diri hendak menggegar Arasy.

Meski dilitupi dengan sebuah tabir persahabatan, perlu juga ada batas di situ. Yang sah perlu dijaga, yang tidak boleh perlu dipelihara. Jangan sampai Tuhan menghukum dengan sesuatu yang kemudian kita sendiri kesali.

Mungkin ada yang berpendapat, mereka sudah tidak sehaluan.. Tetapi siapakah kita untuk menentukan masa depan itu? Sekiranya perhubungan itu mendatangkan mudarat, maka wajar sekali mendapat pembelaan. Namun andai ujiannya berupa kebebasan yang tertahan, nah, cuba fikirkan berapa banyak pahala boleh dikutip jika kita redha dan sentiasa bersyukur.

Andai dari mulanya dia sudah kita terima sebagai teman hidup, segala baik dan buruknya pasti kita sanggup hadapi. Dan pastinya kita sanggup lakukan apa sahaja demi dia yang dikasihi. Itulah namanya pengorbanan demi sebuah cinta. Tiada percintaan yang lebih indah melainkan adanya pengorbanan.

Pengorbanan melawan hawa nafsu antara teruna dara.. Pastinya lebih manis percintaan mereka bila cinta dimeterai dalam ikatan akad yang sah. Pengorbanan suami mencari nafkah untuk keluarga, pastinya hubungan kekeluargaan lebih manis bila semua ahli tahu menghargai jerih perihnya. Pengorbanan seorang isteri mengandungkan dan melahirkan zuriat, pastinya lebih manis bila rumahtangga dibina dihiasi dengan gelak tawa si kecil.

Namun yang aneh, walau dengan segala pengorbanan ada juga yang tersasar. Adakah sudah hilang rasa syukur di situ? Adakah hilang rasa malu di situ? Adakah si makhluk kecil yang jahat itu telah mula berkampung dalam diri di situ? Tepuk dada tanya diri. Adakah kita semakin jauh dari rahmatNya ataupun kita sendiri yang menjauhkan diri.

Maka nikmat Tuhanmu yang manakah yang kau dustakan...

Friday, November 16, 2012

I See It Now. Nordette N. Adams.

Today, I understood why I never speak to you
or let you see me or let me see you.
My understanding is the color of strange red pearls
strewn across my yellow belly.

I sing a coward's song.

Today I knew that what I feel for you is not hate, like you think,
but fear that if I trust a civil word between us
you will break the last piece of my heart,
the part your treacherous heel missed the first time and left.

I am wise in cowardice.

Today you crossed my mind and I imagined laughing at your joke
after knowing what I had to say in the morning would be a line that made you smile at noon 
if you were still the you I once risked life to love.

You are pollen.
I am allergic.

You are saturated fat.
I am a fragile artery.

You are extravagance.
I am a pauper.

Wake Up It's Not A Dream. Pamela Stackhouse-huff

He drifts in
like the gentleness of a stream.
It all happens
so fast

Wake up…
it’s not a dream.
Before you know
you’re giving and he’s taking
But you are blind
to this deception.

As he uses his insecurities
as a weapon
This “poor man”
he says that he needs your love.
But you also have needs
that need to be taken care of.

He makes everything seem
like it is all your fault.
And you accept it
with a grain of salt.

You lose the meaning
of what life is all about.
You’re falling
and you can’t get out.

When you give away
your soul to someone else
He makes you
his little wallflower on the shelf.
You fight
and you don’t even know how it started.

Your heart aches…
you have parted.
He begs for your forgiveness
…and you go back.

You love
you’re insecure
waiting for the next attack.
I never knew that love
was so mean.
Wake up. . . it’s not a dream.

Source: Wake Up It's Not A Dream, Betrayal Poem 

Friday, November 9, 2012

Work Calls...

Hello friends...

Last few week I was not well, I had a fever, my temperature was like over 38 degree with body aches, as if having flu. And after some paracetamol and clarinase, this morning I feel better, although I still had the body aches, which I took Panadol for Joints and Muscles to relieve the tightness of the muscle ache.

I just want to share, I almost gotten myself into trouble. Luckily I was driving just about 70km/h. There were three incidents which I fall asleep during driving. Yes.. asleep as in sleeping. When i woke up, the first incident I almost ran to a road divider, secondly I almost knock a car on my right, and thirdly almost missed the green light at the traffic light. But still I need to come to school that day, to complete all necessary forms regarding Pengawasan SPM and meeting with my authority. I need her signature for me to claim the payment of being Pengawas Peperiksaan SPM. And the form need to be submitted by end of this month. I may not get the same opportunity to meet my Pengetua next week, as she already said that she wont be around.

I only manage to be at school for a few hours. I even took the opportunity of discussing something regarding my work commitment with my immediate boss, and trying to find way out (which I prefer not to disclose yet). With some advices and some points to ponder, and finally got the signatures I need I excused myself to go home.

Thank God on my way home I was more alert. But the temperature seems hiking later in the evening. After some paracetamol, my husband took me to a clinic, and I was prescribed with antibiotic.

I still remember one incident during the fever, it was so high I think it must be more than 41 degree I finally decided to soak into a cool water in bathtub. My face was like on fire, and my head felt like exploded. After 10 minutes soaking, I remember having a relaxed feeling.

Wahh.. It's been so long since I had such high fever, the last time I remember was after faculty camping, I think back in 2003, when I was suspected having dengue...

But that was last few weeks. Pray I will have good health then.

And oh.. I am now have my forehead covered, I got three stitches over the deep wound from falling from stairs and knocked on the edge of the door. This saturday the stitches will be removed.

I hope it wont leave nasty scar..

Past, Present, Future (Emily Brontë)

Tell me, tell me, smiling child,
What the past is like to thee ?
'An Autumn evening soft and mild
With a wind that sighs mournfully.’
Tell me, what is the present hour ?
'A green and flowery spray
Where a young bird sits gathering its power
To mount and fly away.’
And what is the future, happy one ?
'A sea beneath a cloudless sun ;
A mighty, glorious, dazzling sea
Stretching into infinity.’

To Be Or Not To Be... (Hamlet, Shakespeare)

To be, or not to be, that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; 
and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;

To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of dispriz'd love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,

When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Dana: Kali Kedua Bermalam Di Hospital

Salam Ramadhan buat sekalian warga pelayar jaringan internet. Minggu ini banyak benar dugaan melanda, ujian demi ujian semenjak pulang ke tanahair. Namun ku cekalkan jua hati dengan senyuman, beserta bekalan kata semangat dari sang suami.

Saya baru sahaja mula bertugas awal Julai lalu, selepas menyambung cuti tanpa gaji lagi sebulan selepas melapor diri di Jabatan. Itu pun ada macam-macam peristiwa yang berlaku. Biarlah, kurang manis dicoretkan di sini. Sebulan saya bercuti, kebajikan anak-anak di bawah tanggungjawab saya sepenuhnya sewaktu siang hari, dengan malamnya dikongsi bersama suami. Tapi bermula pada minggu ketiga saya bercuti tambahan, saya mulai perlahan-lahan secara berperingkat menghantar anak-anak saya ke taska dengan harapan mereka akan dapat menyesuaikan diri dengan persekitaran baru bila saya sudah milai bertugas kelak.

Hari pertama saya menghantar anak-anak ke taska, memang terkait naluri keibuanku tatkala melihat anak terunaku memberontak enggan ditinggalkan, dan puteriku menjerit menangis. Sepuluh minit pertama luruh jua airmataku bila suara mereka masih jelas kedengaran. Lantas suami datang dengan harapan dapat memujuk, tetapi usaha kami tidak berjaya, hari pertama hanyalah sesi perkenalan sahaja. Hiba hatiku memandang putera puteriku menangis tersedu-sedu sepanjang perjalanan kembali ke rumah.

Tiga minggu kemudian, barulah anak-anak mulai menerima persekitaran baru, itu pun setelah dua minggu saya bertugas. Alhamdulillah.. Namin ujian datang lagi. Sebermula tarikh pertama mereka menjejak kaki ke taska, bermula lah rentetan peristiwa demam, batuk, selsema.. Kesian anak-anak mummy. Tiga kali kami bawa ke klinik kanak-kanak. Sekejap baik, lepas t tu mula balik.. Sampailah kali ketiga, antibiotik si abang berkesan, demam sudah tiada. Tapi si adik, demam aa pasang surut. Maka doktor klinik telah merujuk si adik ke hospital untuk siasatan lanjut..

Maka di Hospital Putrajaya la puteriku dirujuk. Pada hari itu saya sendiri sudah merasa kurang sihat, batuk dan sakit kepala, tetapi saya tetap perlu bekerja, dan masih wajib berpuasa. Kebetulan cuti suami diluluskan hari itu, kerana barang-barang kontena kami baru sahaja dihantar ke rumah hari Jumaat minggu sebelumnya. banyak kotak-kotak yg perlu dibuka dan dikemaskan. Maka saya serah pada suami akan urusan menghantar anak ke hospital.

Petang itu, iaitu hari Selasa lepas, suami maklumkan pada saya bahawa puteri kami perlu masuk wad. Allahu... Petang itu saya minta bantuan teman untuk menggantikan kelas saya sebelum say balik awal dengan kebenaran khas oleh pentadbir kerana menjaga anak. Saya perlu mengambil putera saya di taska untuk diserah pada jagaan suami.

Meluncur lah saya balik, singgah ke rumah dahulu packing baju Dana dan baju saya, barang2 mandi, diapers, charger hp, sebelum menuju ke taska. Sampai di taska, anak saya agak hairan kerana biasanya ayah dia yang ambil.

Tiba di hospital, saya terpaksa berlawan lidah dengan pengawal, dia enggan membenarkan saya naik bersma Umair ke ward. Habis tu pada siapa saya nak tinggalkan dia? Saya berkeras nak bawa juga dia naik, dan akhir usaha saya call suami supaya dia bercakap dengan pengawal itu. Kemudian pengawal itu mengiring saya naik ke wad, memastikan apa benar ada doktor yang nak bertemu anak saya.

Bila dia lihat saya sudah berada di kalangan kelompok doktor, agaknya dalam 'housemanship programme', pengawal itu terus beredar. Saya ambil alih tugas menjaga Dana, dan suami saya mengambil tugas menjaga Umair.

Selama lima hari kami tidak bersama.. Sangat rindu.. Lima malam saya tidur menemankan Dana di sebelahnya atas katil bayi, saiznya seperti katil baby standard, lebih kurang 1/4 katil queen size bed.. Huhu.. Terasa sungguh.. Kemudian bila berbuka sendirian, sahur sendirian... Hari kedua saya di hospital, saya demam. Saya dapat MC selama dua hari, atas masalah saya tidak sihat, agaknya dapat dari Dana.. Hari ketiga iaitu hari Jumaat, saya apply untuk cuti rehat khas, sehari.. Pada mulanya sekolah enggan kerana cuti saya hanya layak untuk 3 hari sahaja. Tapi saya berkeras takpelah walaupun hari Jumaat itu jam bertugas saya hanyalah 3 jam sahaja, saya redha. Lagipun saya baru sembuh demam, saya mahu rehat, dan saya perlu menjaga anak. Dua hari puasa saya bocor. Sebab saya tidak sihat, dan memberi kesan pada susu, dan saya perlu makan dan minum ubat ikut masa supaya cepat sembuh. Saya wajib kuat untuk anak!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Working Again.. (-_-')

Salam, happy Ramadan Kareem to all muslim brothers and sisters. Today would be the sixth day of fasting, insya Allah I might be able to complete the fast for this month.

Today too, I would be on my forth weeks of starting to work again. Alhamdulillah, I was placed in Puchong and it is just a maximum driving hour of just under 40min, depending on the traffic.

Some of you might say 'Whoa.. Puchong aa? Very 'exciting'!'.. Well, I couldn't agree more. It is indeed very 'interesting' and for those who are about to write some research paper, mainly about student and their background, I would highly recommended Puchong area, a lot of potential issue to be explored.

For about a month working, I only could say that it was challenging. Never in my working lives I had ever witness such interesting prospect (s?) in front of my eyes. Being a new school counsellor, I am constantly being observed by the student, as well as the teachers. From what I wear to what I said, all were judged, and yet I am still working very hard to plant some roots of trust around. But since day one I was given a hardcore case, which means I have no choice but to force the trust from the student to me... So challenging.

I believe it is inappropriate for me to jot down in details about my works at my new school, nor exposing the name of my working place to the virtual audience. I think it would be just enough for me to conclude that it is now a very challenging and tough position to handle. Oh, I do have something that I could share. My school was just recently received one discipline issue, where a group of students were caught 'fixing' 3 teacher's car plat number, and one of the car suffers some scratches. And it was done out of boredom, as the victims were known at school as passionate and kind teachers.. What more I can say, and that was not a new case for this year.

Enough about school. Causing me headache everything the thought cross my mind.

Last time I wrote that my kids were unwell. And again my two beautiful kids are having slight fever (was high last week), coughing, running nose, but with a very happy go lucky attitude... Never been to nursery, the paed said that it is common for new kids trying to fit into a new environment. They will catch the new germs from their interaction with friends which could cause sickness and those are the things that I could never can control. All that we as parents could help is only trying to control the problem that were brought by the new virus at nursery. It would buy some time for the body to find it own time to create antibody to fight back all the germs.

Pray hard! May Allah Bless my children and my family with good health, sane mind, right attitude, good faith and forever love. Aminnn...

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Working Again

Peace be upon you..

This coming monday, I will complete my extra 'one month' unpaid leave after the three and a half years unpaid leave living in Brussels. Currently we are tested with health problem, everyone at home is falling sick. Umair is just recovered from fever and flu, and following him is Dana, who is still under medication of fever and flu. Just last Friday, my husband and I also got the same bug, experiencing fever, flu and nasty sore throat. How I wish for strength my Lord..

This monday too, I will begin my weekdays routine. Upon wakes up maybe around 5.30 - 6.30 am is to prepare quick breakfast for husband and son, and help him prepare Umair for nursery. And then I would continue taking bath or doing chores, and by 9 I should start to prepare my daughter for nursery. I guess by 10am I should be able to send my daughter to join his brother in nursery. And then I would be back home, finish some house chores, and prepare for work. By 12pm I should be going to school, as the workplace is quite a distant, and I need to come early.

I will only be at home around 7 - 7.30pm depending on the traffic. While at the moment, my husband will take the kids from nursery to his office and wait for me to take them home, perhaps we would dine out for dinner. I guess by 9pm we should be at home. Upon home I will need to sort the kids' bag especially Umair's, and prepare the snack bag for my kids. After that doing some laundry or planning for the next day breakfast and then ready for sleep. Wow, a bit tiring to think about it.

Nonetheless I will try my best to not to sweat upon it. I wish to maintain the cleanliness of the house, as I really hate it when the ant is attacking. There are plenty of ants scouting around and I hope they wont find the house is 'resourseable' for them to dwell. I hate it when any of those bugs bite my kids, as my kids skin do develop allergic reaction to any of bugs bite.

I will find my time to prepare dinner, though.. fingers crossed, as dining out is really expensive these days. And started to work again, whoever knows what the challenges hides inside. With my husband's current position in the office, he would be required to attend handful of meeting ahead in schedule. I hope I could manage, alone, with two kids.

Pray for me friends and folks, wish me all the best.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Counting Days

It has been a very hectic week, sorting out cabin luggage stuffs, pre-arrange things to being pack for shipping, of course after making sure all things to pack were freshly laundered, sparkly clean or I might risked unwanted revelation upon receiving the items in Malaysia.
Not to mention with all the spring-cleaning projects, BIG TIME PROJECT I should say. From daily cooking to provide nourishment to kids and the entire family, deciding which pots and pans to let go, and whichs and whats to pack altogether, scrubbing clean the washing machine, dryer and dishwasher entirely, with the floor mopping and brushing, wall replastered and repainted, windows wiped crystal clear, etc (the lists go on).

All together in the presence of two little sweethearts, whose somehow took my heart away as they were craving the attention amid all those hustle jostle. Of course it was weird, to see from their eyes, that the house was no longer homely. It was literally empty now, when all the boxes safely tucked into big container, waiting to be loaded into big ship, and the furnitures were claimed. No more wall decoration, no more comfort of the living area, nor the warmth of the bedroom we've shared all thesr years.

And now the time has come. We finally on our journey home. And with that a new chapter of life will begin. A new story will be written. It will be big for the kids. Oh I'm very sure of that. Having no idea that mummy was actually working, and suddenly has to work again, it would intimidated at first. But I strangely feel, somehow despite my anxiousness, my fears, I believe they will be fine all the way, Insya Allah. They will manage to go through this. That would be their life stories as well.

And I hope to be able to write again. Please pray for us, may Allah Bless us, protect us from evil doers and evil eyes, protect us from the greediness of people, may Allah strengthen our unity, strengthen our love and Insya Allah may Allah protect our soul, and safe living insya Allah.

(this was written weeks ago, during our stay in the Apartment before depart for Malaysia. Because of the unavailibility of internet, I only can post it today)

Monday, May 21, 2012

Another Series of 'Less Than 2 Weeks.'

Hello again. Happy Monday folks. If I remember correctly, in less than 2 weeks my family and I will finally depart from Brussels, to return to Malaysia for good, upon completing our terms in Belgium. Well, needlessly for me to say, finally the reality started to kick in upon seeing piles of clothes that need to be pre-arranged, pre-washed and pre-selected to be put into categories of 'hand carry' or 'shipping'.

It is quite challenging, since we have been living in Brussels for more than 3 years, there are heaps of collection of clothing were collected. Especially mine. From the dress size of 10 (size after giving birth to Umair), to the size of maternity (during pregnancy with Dana), to the size of post-pregnancy of dress size 14, to current dress size of 8. Yet to be included, the accessories, casual attires as well as formal attire, shoes, etc.

Perhaps, managing those stuffs, plus with the anxiety to restart working, and the concern of the kids-care upon returning to Malaysia, somehow did affect my waist-line. I would like to share how I easily gain another 3kg in just 2 weeks, that was about 2 months before, all because of my craving for an instant stress-fighter. I was terrified when the scale that was reading 51 suddenly raised to 54. I believe I had over-indulged myself with a lot of high fat food in just a week at that moment. Just imagine, having nasi briyani for lunch and dinner, and snacking for ice-cream as supper. And the next day was having nasi lemak with sambal and rendang, for lunch and dinner, and crunching biscuits and chocolates as supper. Then nasi ayam, the next other day masak lemak cili padi.. Not to mention the increasing caffeinated drinks intake per day, and munching chips between meals.

Since a few days ago, when finally I get the hard truth of the fact that what must be done, has to be done, somehow I lose my appetite. I subsided, I rearranged my clothes silently, I tried to enjoy my free time with my kids by singing and dancing with them, ticking and make funny sound with them, hugging and kissing them, I quietly pushing my fears aside. Of course by any means it is still there, waiting around the corner. I wish it will never come any closer to me, as I really want to cherish this few moments with them. And today, I lost about 2kg. Leaving me from 54 to 52, in just 3 days.

Well, I just hope I didn't lose too much weight to quickly, as I need energy to begin a new life. Being a breastfeeding mother, I need to have enough good milk supply for my Dana. Alhamdulillah, this weight lose hasn't encounter my milk production yet. I really hope, I pray very hard, I wish I could supply Dana enough breastmilk until she is 2 years old, as Umair had received when he was younger. I hope there would be some times, if not plenty of times, a couple days would do, so that I could prepare foods to my husband and my children.

About those, oh I have no words to describe my mixed feelings. All I care about those boxes now are they need to be packed as quickly as possible. By then perhaps I could be headache-free. Once I finished with my clothing, then I could continue completing the children clothing, and then the domestic item (towels, blankets, etc). My husband did his own clothing arrangement, most of the kids clothing, plus the kids toys, books, electronics items and some other things.

I guess, that's all for now. Let me just finished with the packing and perhaps when the time is right I could continue writing. For now, I need a good night sleep. Tomorrow is another day,some more clothes waiting to be packed.

Peace be upon you.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Teknik Membuat Karipap Pusing (Credit : Pn. Almahera)

Gambar dalam post ini saya beri kredit pada facebook Mahera Yani, yang kini bermastautin di Pretoria, South Africa. Oleh kerana resepi inti dan doh boleh dipelbagaikan, dalam post ini saya cuma kongsikan teknik membentuk karipap pusing.

Resepi asal : Courtesy Datin Paridah binti Ahmad
Bahan A : Tepung, air dan telur
Bahan B : Tepung dan mentega
Bulatkan adunan A dan B, kemudian masukkan adunan B ke dalam adunan A
Canai dan gulung bentuk kon/ segitiga, dan penyekkan sedikit

Potong saiz dikehendaki, canai dan sedia untuk dimasukkan inti.

Sedia untuk digoreng.

Hasilnya, karipap dengan kulit 'berpusing-pusing'.. 

Semasa Annual Dinner PERWAKILAN Brussels 2010 di Kabuki Restaurant.
Pn. Almahera, duduk paling kanan.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Dana.. The Story of A Little Princess

Upon birth
One thing I admired you is your ability to sleep through the night.. It was indeed a very easy postpastum period especially during the nightime, and I did get enough rest at night. You were very generous with smiles, and without any reason you will smile. But one thing I rememberer, how you refused to be swaddled, you will kick your tiny feet and wriggled your hands free from your little blanket.

1 month

You still sleep through the night, and I was very thankful with that, and during the day you love to smile. I remember this hospital photographer came, and she said you were very camera-friendly. And seeing you in that album, you were very photogenic in that book!

2 months 
I think this is was the time when you started to learn that you have a brother. You'll get excited whenever abang Umair hugs you.. You smiled like always, and always very happy. You kept on checking your brother whenever he move around, or making noise. At this age too you always babbled 'aahhh' continously, gnawing fingers, mostly the thumb and point finger. I really thought that you will have tooth very early, and perhaps I need to be extra prepared whenever the tooth emerged. And you did still sleep through the night, and I thank you for that.


3 months 
You had your first travelling experience, we visited Disneyland Paris, and we stayed over daddy's friend's house for a night. It was raining the day we rode to Paris, and daddy was driving the car. But you have been a very good girl, you didn't cry a lot during our 2 and a half hours travel by car. And in Disneyland, you really behaved and it was a pleasant trip.

Finally the babbling has a sound, you started to babble 'bwah'.. And I remember you really loved to gnaw a fist, so funny when I think about it now. As if one fist really could fit your tiny little mouth. You did enjoyed sitting in the 'Fischer Price' rocker, listening to its cheerful tone, and at this age you know how to pay a smile back when mommy or daddy smiling at you. And you still sleep through the night.

4 months 
At four months you had your first flight experience. We were going for holiday, or 'balik kampung' as our people would say for the Eid Mubarak for about 3 and a half weeks. We spent 20 hours of travelling time, including the transit flight and transit time. But you behaved so wonderful as we didn't have any problem during the flight. And I mean both flight, from Brussels-Rome-Kuala Lumpur, and from Kuala Lumpur-Rome-Brusels. Both of you, you and your brother received praises from other kind passengers for your both good behaviour. 
At this age you began to show interest in food. You finally called 'mamma'. I was so thrilled back then. You brother has began calling me 'mimmie' but you started with 'mamma'. And you started to roll over clockwise. When tickled, you will chuckle! You always smiles broadly whenever daddy or I communicating with you, and giving us intense eye-contact. You also started to slide backwards, and you showed your interest to grasp toys out of reach.

5 months
I was quite confident that your teeth will emerged very soon when you babbling almost all of the time while gnawing your fingers. And yes your clothes were always wet with excess saliva, and I did put your bib on to control the trip from wetting your cloth. You started to reach for bright-coloured toys, and you do enjoyed being put into standing side by side with your brother. You also gave us the toothless big grin and loud chuckles whenever tickled. You started to take food from my hand into her mouth. new consonants,'papapa', 'bababa'. starting to wake up sometimes in the night for milk.

6 months 
Finally you mastered crawling on knees, but so funny when you move backward at first. By 6 and a half months, you finally crawled forward. Whenever you saw me, you always smiles, but always worried when mummy was not around. You showed interest to play together with your brother, you pick some of your brother's trains, and you really loved to being put jumping on bed side by side with your brother. At this age mummy now start you on solid food, and we began with plain rice porridge. Unfortunately you hated it.. But I was surprised when you ate that porridge with chicken soup.. That was supposed to be you brother's meal but I know then it was tastier with soup than prorridge alone. And I taught you skill how to drink from cup, and guess what? You are easy learner! And funny stuff you did, you loves to put your mouth on my skin, and 'blow..

7 months 
All of us were thrilled when we saw you started to pull yourself self up, 'walking' from a sofa to another sofa. And you were just 7 months old! You already mastered the crawl technique, but you really need full supervision. And why did I said so? You loved putting things into mouth, mouthing almost everything. I read somewhere that was one of the sign of teething. 
You always sneaked on your brother's milk bottle, as if you really want to taste it.  And I was so proud when you mastered drinking from a cup, less choking, and you managed to control the amount of fluid you sip. You also could ate biscuits independantly. You also had your new experince sitting in high chair, and you really enjoyed that! You will scream whenever your toys were taken away. When I tried to hide some toys in front of you, you always notice the location. You always babbling 'abababa' to call 'abang'. And what melts my heart was when you happily watched videos on youtube with your big brother. And there was one incident happened, for the very first time you able to climb out from walker by your own, causing you to fall, luckily nothing bad happened, and that was the only reason why daddy and I decided to put away the walker away in the box for good.

8 months
By now you started to accept the fact that you will have to sit in you baby seat during our outing with car. Sometimes when you almost asleep, you did this funny stuff, you mumbled, as if you were singing or humming to sleep. And whrn you sleep, you never stay put like before, instead tossing and turning around.  I caught you once trying to get higher by climbing on your brother's motorcycle to reach inside the toy box. By now you had your own desire to choose toy to play, and will get very upset if any object in your hands was taken away. If you saw that mummy was not around, you will immediately look at the kitchen. And you started to refuse if mummy give you to daddy. But when mummy hold you, you always looked at daddy with head slightly fell on one side, and gave a little 'pick-me-up-smile'.. Your words were now varied, you said 'mama' when you asked for me, you said consonants 'emmmah' for indicating hungry and want to eat. You mouthed 'abba' which means 'abang' when you want to play with your brother. Every morning, you will clim and went across mummy to reach to your brother to kiss him.. You always laughed when mummy did silly dance, and getting excited when your brother join mummy to dance. You get worried when 'abang' cries after being scold. Funny thing you did qas you seems to 'sing' with an up and down sound made up from incomprehensible vowel and consonants, especially when you were playing alone, and when you sat in your baby car seat. By now, you were no longer the camera fans, it was getting difficult for me to take your picture smiling. And I do believe you are getting more social, you love to make eye contact with strangers, but will refuse if they offer you a lift. And at this age you were first time given chicken as meal, and you really love potatoes!

9 months
Every morning, you would wake up and immediately looking for your brother to kiss him on the head. You always trying to find chances to pat brother on the head, as normally mummy and daddy did to him. When mummy open arms, you would race to throw yourself to me. And when all of us were lying down on the carpet, you would happily crawled across each of us. You also love musical children show, especially 'Louie, Draw with me' and 'Tinga tinga Tales' Tv series, 'Thomas & Friends', and 'Chuggington'. And I was surprised when you did like 'tandoori chicken'! When mummy sing, you would make sound along as if you was singing too. When I was busy cooking in the kitchen, you loved to hug my leg, standing and tapping, demanding to be picked up.

10 months
A day after officially turning 10 months, you finally standing on your own! That was excellent my dear! You also recognized things like star, bear, and always point finger to things that interest you. You almost mastered climbing down from bed. One time I caught you successfully climbing coffee table on your own! And now you also can hold a small bottle to drink on your own, as well as using sippy cup independently. You had yoir first taste of nasi lemak with a bit of kuah rendang ayam, and I was excited when you finished the portion I gave you! By now you started to have your own desire, you will protest if the toy fron your hand were taken away. You could find object that has been hid, for example I hid cooking utensils in one of the cabinet, and you always know where did I always put them away. I noticed you were getting very attached to daddy, whenever daddy reach home from work, you will quickly go to daddy, offers your two little hands demanding daddy to pick you up. You also prefered to have the same meal that you brother have, and more interested to eat from the same bowl/ plate. You also knew how to assemble lego pieces together, knowing how to play with cars and trains, and you also love animated object. When mummy play silly games using silly voice over the soft toys, you will get excited! And you always offer me a kiss on cheek. You also mastered patty pat, clapping hands, and really love twinkle-twinkle little star song.
By week 3, you know how to wave byebye and say 'baba'. And you took your first five steps on 21th March 2012!

11 months
Right now you were master on walking. It was very seldom we see you crawl. You always laughing, and you love to 'shout'! You seems to enjoy hearing your high voice, and you enjoyed it even more when you brother was doing the same thing as you. At this time my dear, mummy was not so happy, I am very sorry my dear, I was very anxious to go back home. I was too occupied on taming my worries than spending the valuable time with my kids. Hmmmm. And you had your first hair cut done! Especially by mummy! With love of course! 

You loved to play fight with your brother, that was very cute! And you were more curious than ever, and braver than your brother. You would go to the kitchen alone although I switched off the lamp. But if you couldn't find me anywhere you would cried 'mamamama', and that was heartbreaking my dear. I am sorry I have to do that, I wouldn't be able to spend time as much as I had now when we move back to Malaysia. Therefore I need to ready you mentally to learn to accept that mummy wouldn't be around for some time, but will always come back to you..

12 month, Happy ONE Year old to Dana Sufiya!

Oh dear, you were not well.on your birthday. We met Dr. Eva a day before your birthday, as you had quite a high fever two days before, with diarhhea and vomitting. Mummy and daddy were not sure what was the cause, but perhaps to your lack of appetite during our visit to London. You only want to eat rice, and refused yogurt, bread, or cereal. But the doctor said it was because you were teething, and its normal to have fever, diarhhea and vomits. But since you lost few weights due to the vomitting amd diarhhea, the doctor adviced mummy to control your diet, only rice, carrot, white meat from chicken, banana and apple, plus mummy's milk and water, so that you wouldn't get upset tummy. 

So on your birthday, we bought you an apple tart. And we had our little birthday celebration. But you ate your tart very little, and you looked lethargic. The day after we finally decided to bring you to E.R, and you were admitted to ward for I.V. and observation, as your blood pressure was quite low, and you looked tired. That was your first experience being admitted to ward, and mummy stay with you a night. 

Nonetheless, you became much stronger the day after, and we pray my dear, mummy, daddy and abang Umair, we pray for your health, may God Bless our family, and always Bless our Heart, Guiding us to the right path of life.  and have Mercy on us. I pray my dear, may you grow to be 'solehah', always become a lovibg and kind person, clever and passionate about life, have strong faith, and always beloved by others. Never forget me my dear. I love you.

Friday, May 4, 2012

My Kids, My World - Talking About Umair

When talking about kids and children, I am very proud with my little man. He definitely one strong boy, and very confident for his age. He has the bravest most pure heart, yet he could always be the most passionate person on earth. He loves cupcake, and sweets, and I would never hesitate to bake him cupcake with topping if he request for it.

He cried for me the last time I was about to be wheeled to operation room. And that really touched my heart, I swear by God I did listen to his cry of love. And ever since he saw and understand that he now have a small sister, he forced himself to learn how to compromise that actually Dana need mummy more than him. There were moment when he tried to test my patience, demanding sorts of things whenever the sister cried for attention. Honestly, it took me great patience to handle such behaviour, and deep down I knew he was just missing the full attention he once had before he had little sister. But nonetheless, he is indeed one good big broher, he really loves playing with his sister, although there were times they would 'fight' over toys and attention...

When there are chances for him to snuggle with mummy, he never refuse, he quickly ran into my open arms. He quickly want me to hug him tight, and this funny thing 'nak mummy peluk one thousand', I want mummy to hug me one thousand times. And whenever he offers me a kiss, he will pout his little lips long before they reach my lips. I know, he really missed mummy's touch, the utmost attention he had, sleeping with mummy, snuggling with mummy, mummy play with him. But yet he had to struggle to accept the fact that mummy have to give more to Dana than him.

I remember this one incident last week (as been retold by my dear husband). I was quite handful with preparing breakfast, while my husband was to look after the kids, when my dear son request for a Prince's Biscuits. So I gave him a pack of biscuits, it has 3 pieces of biscuits in one pack. And I said that was the last pack in that box so I told him to share with Dana. He ran happily to the living room, and I heard his little voice inviting Dana for a biscuit. 'Dana satu, abang Umair satu' - One for Dana, one for me. I remember hearing that and smiled.

Then after a moment, when I almost finished cooking, my husband came. His face reddened, the eyes swell, but he was smiling brightly, and told me, 'Do you know what happened just now between our kids?' 'What happened?' I asked him. 'You know that when the biscuits was just one piece left, our Umair didn't finished the biscuit by himself. Instead he looked at his sister, as Dana at that moment was looking at him, he decided to split the biscuit to half and give one part of it to Dana. So generous of him I couldn't help but touched'.
Well, I do respect him generousity towards his sister. He do have the soft heart for his sister, though there were moments he tried to get our attention by getting Dana to cry. But from one perspective, I knew that wasn't done with purpose, he is still very young to control his gentleness towards his sister.

And Umair is so into Thomas & Friends tv series. He just really admires the character of Thomas. Knowing that my husband and I, we had decided to visit again Sodor Island at Tamworth in Great Britain one last time before we return to Malaysia for good. And he was soo excited, and we even spent a night at the Thomas themed room, and had the exclusivity to have breakfast with Thomas Character.

And today is Dana one year birthday. We were going out today doing some shopping, and since Dana is still not so well we cut our visiting hours, and reaching home at 7pm. Everyone is tired, but I insist my husband we need to at least celebrate a simple birthday celebration for Dana. Since it was almost impossible for me to put some time to bake a cake, we bought an apple tart instead.

What we did was I stick one candle at the tart, and we sang the Birthday Song, and took some pictures. Funny thing when came the blowing candle moment, Umair didn't want to blow it unless Dana is blowing as well. And after the tart was served, Umair really want to feed her sister the tart, but since Dana is not so well, she refused and cried.

And now its getting late. Tomorrow will be the house cleaning activity after some days going in and out. I have plenty of things to finish tomorrow, need to wash the soiled clothes, empty the kitchen sink, vacuum the carpets, fold the washed and dried laundry, cook for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and monitor Dana medications.

So ok, we'll meet again in my next post, I hope. Have a great weekend!

p.s. May Allah grant us strength to overcome the anxiety and the fears, and may Allah give me strength to control my feelings and cure me with millions of gratefulness. amen.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Murah Hati dan Rezeki

Terkesan seketika dengan kisah seorang sahabat, kini sedang sarat mengandung, kerana terlalu mengidamkan nasi ambeng, lantas mendail nombor pembekal nasi ambeng yang menyediakan khidmat penghantaran, namun hampa apabila dimaklumkan perkhidmatan mereka tidak menyusuri kawasan tempat tinggal sahabat ini, dan ada pula jumlah minimum untuk melayakkan penghantaran ke alamat yang diberi. Maka pasrahlah sang sahabat mungkin ini bukan rezekinya. Selang beberapa ketika dia menerima panggilan meminta alamat untuk penghantaran nasi ambeng. Betapa gembiranya tidak terkata pabila tiga bungkus nasi ambeng dihantar oleh syarikat tersebut. Hingga menitik air mata bila nasi itu diterima. Syukur Alhamdulillah besarnya nikmat Tuhan, betapa murahnya hati penjual nasi berkenaan.

Maka ingin saya mencoret sepatah dua tentang ikhlas dan kemurahan rezeki ini. Mungkin apa yang berlaku cuma sekadar kebetulan, mungkin juga sudah begitu takdir tertulis. Namun yang pasti kita semua yakin dan setuju, perbuatan baik pasti dibalas dengan kebaikan, dan perbuatan jahat pasti dibalas dengan kejahatan, kalau bukan di dunia ini, di akhirat kelak.

Teringat suatu ketika diri ini sarat mengandung, terlalu mengidam akan sesuatu makanan biasanya mudah diperolehi di Malaysia. Masya Allah, betapa tak tertahan serasa ingin sahaja menangis kerana tidak dapat yang diidam. Maka redha dan pasrah sajalah diri ini, andai itu bukan rezeki diri. Suatu hari minggu, kami sekeluarga berjalan melawat satu pekan yang letaknya lebih kurang sejam perjalanan menaiki kereta. Hajat suami hendak belanja makan sambil bersiar-siar. Agaknya sedang.cuba memujuk ibu mengandung yang mengidam sesuatu yang sukar diperoleh di negara orang. Seronok juga jalan-jalan makan angin, membeli keperluan baby, keperluan mummy, shopping baju.. Kebetulan bertemu dengan rakan Malaysia yang tinggal di situ, selepas beberapa ketika kami berpecah membawa haluan masing-masing, kemudian mengambil kesempatan pakat untuk singgah minum petang di salah sebuah restoran sambil berbual-bual. Apabila hendak pulang ke rumah, saya dikejutkan dengan dua peket makanan yang menjadi hajat mengidam saya! Wah terasa hendak melompat kegembiraan ketika itu! Bergenang airmata ketika menerima bingkisan itu.

Itu cerita dua tahun lepas. Rakan ini yang sudah berkeluarga, punya dua cahayamata, ketika itu memang hendak menimang lagi cahayamata ketiga, tetapi belum punya rezeki. Nah siapa tahu, tahun ini teman itu kini berbadan dua! Alhamdulillah, mungkin sekali rezeki itu adalah ganjaran dariNya kerana ikhlas menyampaikan hajat orang yang mengidam, ikhlas membantu, mungkin tidak cepat, tetapi sesuai dengan keadaan dan situasi semasa.

Seorang lagi teman, saya kira ceritanya lebih kurang sama seperti teman yang menitip bingkisan tersebut. Tapi yang ini memang didatangkan khas dari Malaysia. Saya kira dalam kesibukan jadual kerja, dan tarikh penerbangan yang semakin hampir, beliau sanggup bersusah payah mendapatkan saya makanan yang saya hajatkan. Saya terima lantas ketika itu jugalah saya memeluk dan menitik air mata kegembiraan! Kata suami bercahaya wajah saya ketika itu. Alhamdulillah kini beliau sangat bahagia di sisi suami dan seorang cahayamata yang sangat comel.

Walau apapun kebetulannya, saya tetap yakin bahawa atas kemurahan hati mereka itu maka Dia memberi mereka rezeki yang tidak terhingga nilainya. Hanya Dia sahaja tahu nilai ikhlas seseorang, dan kita tidak berhak mengatakan sebaliknya. Terpulang padaNya bagaimana rupa bentuk rezeki yang ingin dianugerahkan. Ada yang dapat cepat, ada yang dapat lambat, sesuai dengan apa yang terbaik buat kita ketika itu. Perancangan Allah tak siapa yang tahu, tapi yakinlah perancangan Allah itu yang terbaik. Seperti juga kisah teman saya dengan penjual nasi ambeng itu, semoga Allah sahaja membalas kemurahan hati mereka. Amin.

p.s buat Ummu Mustaqim, semoga dipermudahkan urusan kelahiran bayi anda, dan Ummu Aida Adam, tahniah atas berita tersebut, dan buat Ummu Muhammad, tahniah atas kelahiran cahayamata yang selama ini dinantikan..

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Kurang Dari Sebulan

Hari ini, 7 Mei 2012. Tak lama lagi 1 Jun 2012. Cepatnya masa berlalu. Rupa-rupanya sudah lebih 3 tahun aku berada di perantauan. Dari asalnya datang bertiga, ketika itu hanyalah aku, suami dan anak yang baru menginjak 3 bulan usianya, kini sudah berempat; aku, suami, anak yang sudah lebih 3 tahun, dan seorang lagi anak kecil sudah berusia setahun dua hari.

Teringat lagi aku betapa gementar rasa hati ketika mula-mula sampai dahulu. Pertama kali merasa hidup di luar negara, menaiki kapal terbang melebihi 12 jam penerbangan, merasai suasana musim sejuk ketika itu, bagaimana hendak berhadapan dengan warga kita di luar negara. Oh, kenangan pelbagai kenangan, ada yang mencuit hati, ada juga yang lebih baik saya tidak nyatakan di sini.

Selama tiga tahun ini banyak benda banyak perkara saya pelajari. Ya, hidup ibarat satu ujikaji yang besar, kita diberi pelbagai cabaran yang akhirnya akan membuahkan hasil sekiranya kita tahu cara untuk berhadapan dengan cabaran itu. Sebaliknya bagi individu yang sentiasa negatif, cabaran yang datang selalunya dipersepsikan sebagai satu bentuk kesusahan yang besar.

Daripada asalnya seorang yang tidak pandai memasak, (setakat masak nasi, goreng telur, masak air, masak maggi, boleh la), saya bersyukur atas kelapangan masa saya dapat berlatih memasak. Walaupun masakanku tidak sehebat masakan chef, atau setanding kuih apam resepi bonda yang menjadi kegemaranku, atau ikan pari masak kuah lada resepi bonda mertuaku yang menjadi kegemaran sang suami, sekurang-kurangnya masih dapat melepaskan rindu pada masakan Malaysia.

Kalau dulu hidup di Malaysia dalam rumah kami hanya ada aku dan suami, dan anak dalam kandungan, kali ini sekembali kami ke tanahair, akan ada tambahan putera dan puteri penyeri rumahtangga. Sudah pastilah keperluan harian akan bertukar, dan aku harus lebih cekap kerana kali ini aku akan kembali bekerja semula.

Bila ku kenang ku fikir kembali, hanya beberapa minggu sahaja dapat aku meluangkan masa bersama anak-anak, sebelum dilanda kesibukan dunia yang sebelun ini menjadi kehidupanku semasa di Malaysia, kurang lebih 4 tahun lepas. Si abang seperti ada jauh hati pada ibunya kerana melebihkan si adik yang ketika ini kurang sihat. Oh ya, si kecik tengahari tadi baru sahaja di discaj dari wad hospital. Semalam ditahan di wad untuk dimasukkan I.V drip dan pemantauan. Kata doktor paed, mungkin kerana teething, nak tumbuh gigi.  maka si kecik demam, cirit birit, muntah dan tiada selera makan. Bila timbang berat, beratnya menyusut. Dek atas alasan itu la perlu dimasukkan air dengan I.V. drip, bimbang jika dia mengalami dehidrasi, lagipun bacaan B.P dia agak rendah, dan mukanya pucat. Alhamdulillah menjelang malam dia semakin aktif, dan selera makan bertambah.

Tapi si abang berjauh hati, kerana semalam kata suami dia menangis marahkan doktor kerana mummy dan adik tak boleh balik rumah. Dia berkeras nak mummy dan adik balik rumah. Pagi tadi semasa adik masih di wad, si abang enggan mencium mummy seperti kebiasaannya, apa marahkah si abang? Merajukkah dia kerana mummy seperti nak jaga adik aje? Terkesan di hati bila di tanya, 'Abang Umair sayang mummy? Mummy tu sayang abang Umair.' Tau tak apa respon dari si mulut lincah tu? 'Abang Umair tak nak sayang mummy, mummy sayang Dana aje'. Aduh, terasa menitik air mata ini.

Takpela sayang sedikit demi sedikit sayang akan faham jugak, adik kurang sihat. Sebab tu mummy kena ada prioriti. Mummy tak tinggalkan abang Umair, mummy sayang abang Umair. Adik tu bila tak sihat dia nak bolot mummy saja. Cemburu bila nampak mummy peluk abang dia. Marah bila mummy peluk abang dia. Tapi mummy kan selalu peluk abang Umair, selalu cium abang Umair. Selalu main dengan abang Umair.

Apapun anak-anak ni perlu dijaga hati mereka. Dan dalam masa yang terhad ini aku perlu lebih beri perhatian pada mereka, dan perlahan-lahan menerangkan situasi yang akan berlaku bulan hadapan. Oh dah kurang sebulan lagi ke?

Allahu, semoga diberi kekuatan hati dalam menghadi ketidakpastian yang akan menjelma, semoga diberkati kehidupan keluarga kami, semoga dilindungi kesejahteraan anak-anak kami, dan semoga dirahmati kasih sayang sesama kami suami isteri, anak-beranak, sekeluarga, aminnn.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

A Tiring and Rewarding Activities

In less than one hour, the clock all over Europe will be clocked back an hour, to celebrate its Daylight Saving Time. The day currently is longer each day, and its already spring. During summer the daytime would stretch to the most more than 20 hours of daylight thoughout the day.

And my body aches, all over the back, the bones, the muscles. I fall asleep on the couch at the living room in less than one hour upon reaching home. I woke up at 9pm, thinking it was still 7pm. And now, it is almost 2am. In a few moment, the clock will be ticking 3am instead of 2am. And yet I couldn't get myself to sleep again.

Yesterday, (Saturday) I was engaged from 9am to 5pm helping our booth in an International Festival organized bt the International School of Brussels. Its a charity-based program. All parents of the students, from different countries are encourage to participate promoting their country's foods and cultures, as well as to support the school programme. Seeing the opportunity to promote Malaysia, and we also have members whose children are studying at the school, Ladies of PERWAKILAN took the chance to open a booth, selling Malaysian foods, and handing out information about Malaysia to the customers. What makes it really interesting, there were no charges on booth, and the cost of preparing the foods are all taken care by the school, and the money raised from the selling is to be given as a donation from the booth to school.

The preparation began last month, we have a meeting to discuss the menu and the price. We also selected few commitees to do the groceries, and I joined to set-up and decorate our booth a day before the Festival. Yesterday, we took our job to entertain some costumers as well as giving information about Malaysia to them.

Well, it was very rewarding to see all the foods were sold, and there were a lot of people coming in our booth. They really like nasi lemak with rendang, and some of them has plans to visit Malaysia in summer. We also sell vegetarian noodles, soto ayam, a special fried chicken, vegetarian springroll and vegetarian currypuff. The top dish was nasi lemak with rendang ayam. By the time the clock was 3pm, all the nasi lemak and rendang has been sold out. Pheww..

Walking around in baju kebaya with heels was quite tiring. We also have to move around very quick to serve the customers and at the same time maintaining the same facial friendly expression all the time. Luckily all of us Ladies rotated our work so everyone able to get some quick rest in between time. I noticed a lot of people taking photographs of us serving the customers. Our national baju kurung/kebaya was rather atractive and practical to be compared with the rest national costume. I guess that was the main reason why they were attracted to us.

I think there were more than 30 countries participating in this Festival, and everyone is selling their products. I really like this one booth, set by the School, theye were selling used books (which has been donated) for a price low as 50cents, but not more than 3euro per book, from a softcover book to hardcover book. I bought a bag of books worth 10euro, and my husband bought a box of books worth 10euro at their 'happy hour'.

Nonetheless this experience although was tiring, it was rewarding as well. To be able to help promoting our cultures and lifestyle, somehow teach me to be more grateful for the peaceful country we live in. This will be my final contribution in International Festival as we won't be in Brussels again next year.

I am surely going to miss everything. I mean, everything. But for now, I need to straighten my leg and perhaps rest for the night.

Until my next writing, vous revoir!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Love Note5: Must I Told You I Love You?

Honey dear, thank you for your love. I pray you forever happiness, and may Allah Bless our marriage, our family, our life forever. Happy Birthday darling dear. (Sorry I post this a day after your actual special day)

And here is the song I dedicate to you and only you.


I must be crazy now
Maybe I dream too much
But when I think of you
I long to feel your touch

To whisper in your ear
Words that are old as time
Words only you would hear
If only you were mine

I wish I could go back to the very first day I saw you
Should've made my move when you looked in my eyes
'Cause by now I know that you'd feel the way that I do
And I'd whisper these words as you'd lie here by my side

I love you, please say
You love me too, these three words
They could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together
Till the end of time

So today, I finally find the courage deep inside
Just to walk right up to your door
But my body can't move when I finally get to it
Just like a thousand times before

Then without a word he handed me this letter
Read I hope this finds the way into your heart, it said
I love you, please say
You love me too, these three words
They could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together
Till the end of time

Well maybe I, I need a little love yeah
And maybe I, I need a little care
And maybe I, maybe you, maybe you, maybe you
Oh you need somebody just to hold you
If you do, just reach out and I'll be there

I love you, please say
You love me too
Please say you love me too
Till the end of time
These three words
They could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together

Oh, I love you
Please say you love me too
Please please
Say you love me too
Till the end of time
My baby
Together, together, forever
Till the end of time
I love you
I will be your light
Shining bright
Shining through your eyes
My baby

(Forgive me, I couldn't afford any fancy gift on your special day, but I hope you liked my Ikan Pari Kuah Lada for your dinner, and Nasi Lemak, Sambal Ikan Bilis, Rendang Ayam for your lunch on your special day. With all my heart, I love you darling)

Friday, February 24, 2012

Resepi Macaron 'Twisted Version'

Salam semua! Alhamdulillah menjadi juga macaron pertama saya, itupun selepas ada permintaan daripada adik ipar yang 'super manja dah jadi tunang orang' minta kakak ipar yang super comel ni 'akak belajar la buat macaron, nanti boleh ajar intan plak, pwesss'.. (^^)

Sebenarnya, dua tahun lepas saya dah pernah cuba membuat macaron, tapi macaron yang dihajatkan bertukar menjadi biskut rapuh, tak naik, takde kaki. Standard macaron yang bagus adalah bila permukaannya rapuh dan berkilat, bahagian tengahnya agak chewy, dan ada 'kaki'. Hasil pembacaan nampaknya tidaklah sesusah yang disangkakan, bahan jugak tidak banyak, tetapi teknik kena betul, barulah menjadi! (wajar juga la percubaan dulu tu agak meleper)

Kali ini saya ubah resepi sikit, percubaan untuk menggantikan bahan utama macaron iaitu tepung kacang badam dengan alternatif lain.

Dan hasilnya, tadaaa! Seperti dalan gambar! Menurut analisis pakar makan-makan, andai pewarna yang lebih terang digunakan pasti lebih menarik! Dan pastinya kalau menggunakan resepi asal iaitu menggunakan tepung badam pastilah rasa lebih enak berbanding menggunakan tepung beras.

Oklah jom. Saya nak berkongsi resepi saya, yang sudah diadaptasi dari resepi asli macaron.

100g tepung beras (rice flour)
4 biji putih telur (asingkan 1/4 putih telur)
50g gula icing
50g gula halus
1 sudu teh esen almond (kalau menggunakan tepung almond, esen ini boleh tidak digunakan ye, atau tukar kepada esen vanilla pun boleh juga!)
pewarna makanan
kertas pembakar (baking paper)
plastik ziplock (plastik tapau lauk saiz besar pun boleh jugak)

Cara membuatnya!

1. ayak tepung beras, dan gula icing sekali. Kemudian campurkan gula halus. Masukkan 1/4 putih telur, dan esen almond, serta pewarna yang anda sukai. Kacau sedikit bagi sebati.
2. preheat oven 200c, siapkan template macaron dengan melukis pada kertas beberapa bulatan menggunakan saiz yang anda suka. letakkan template di atas loyang yang lebar. (boleh download dan print dari internet: search, macaroon template)
3. pukul 3/4 putih telur dengan kelajuan tinggi sehingga menjadi putih dan bertanduk.
4. dengan menggunakan spatula lebar (senduk yang lebar pun boleh), kaup balikkan sedikit demi sedikit putih telur ke dalam campuran tepung sehingga sebati. (Penting: cuba usahakan agar tidak terlalu banyak mengkaup balik putih telur, supaya gelembung udara dalam putih telur tidak banyak terlepas. Kalau boleh kurang dari 50 pergerakan)
5. masukkan adunan ke dalam plastik ziplock, dan zipkan (kalau menggunakan plastik biasa, pastikan sebelum mengikat plastik kesemua gelembung udara dikeluarkan dahulu).
6. gunting sedikit satu bucu plastik, dan dengan berhati-hati picitkan bermula dari bulatan luar ke dalam hingga penuh lukisan satu bulatan, dan semasa mengakhiri bulatan, berhenti memicit plastik dan tarik plastik ke atas, mengikut template pada kertas pembakar yang sudah dibuat tadi. (tekniknya seperti orang membuat frosting pada cupcake)
7. masukkan ke dalam oven, turunkan suhu kepada 180c, dan bakar selama 20minit. Selepas 20minit, ubah kedudukan loyang, dan bakar lagi 5minit supaya semua macaron masak sekata.
8. keluarkan loyang, dan macaron yang sudah masak sepatutnya boleh tanggal dengan mudah, tanpa banyak kerak pada kertas. Kalau macaron masih melekat, maknanya macaron belum siap, dan masukkan ke dalan oven lagi 5 minit. (prosedur ini kena perlu diperhatikan, kerana keupayaan setiap oven adalah berbeza-beza).
9. bila macaron sudah semuanya boleh ditanggalkan, maka biarkan dahulu sejuk sebelum disapukan inti.
10. untuk inti, saya gunakan jem strawberry, hihi. tapi kalau mahu gunakan coklat ganache pun takde masalah, guna nutella ke, peanut butter ke, masa ni la boleh bereksperimen dengan macam-macam rasa!

Oh ya, sudah tentulah macaron tepung beras ini rasanya seperti tepung beras, bukan macaron tepung badam ye..

Selamat bereksperimen!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Mummy Have Been Thinking About..

Hello folks. It's been a while since I wrote about my life. Perhaps some might find that my post was a bit lacking, and not so much update going on. Well actually, there are tonnes of our life's update that might be worth updating, yet time is so restricted to let my finger to finish a few lines.

The biggest update that I wish to share is, we are going to return back to Malaysia, for good! Yeay! Great news, right? Oh how I terribly miss our peaceful country, missing our families, missing my job, missing the foods, the atmosphere, the sights and sounds.. Though it is exciting (but no less challenging) to live abroad, going back to Malaysia has always been the craves of mind. But honest truth, I am not sure if I am exactly ready to be home.

Having two kids now, one will turn 4 by the end of this year, and another one who will turn 1 this spring, really put me into spiral of thought. We are instructed to fly back to Kuala Lumpur by early summer this year. And counting the days (less than 3 months ahead), I am anxious. It's not the exhaust of job waiting to be pursue or facing the hiking price in groceries that disturb me, but the fact that I am completely helpless to think about the need of my children.

For three years, since our first son were born and then having the second child last year, I have been their nearest carer and their closest person at home. With sudden change in their daily life, it could affect them psychologically. Children's emotion is still one big mystery, even with the knowledge of modern technologies today. We never know their thought for real, and they're still too young to express them clearly. It could or may confuse them if mummy has to go to work as well as daddy, when normally to them mummy will stay at home when daddy goes to work.

Our main priority right now is to find a good place or good nursery for them, or perhaps a good caretaker to look after them. Hearing plenty of not-so-good stories about child care personnel really disturb me. Reading quite a handful of bad review about hiring foreign nanny also freaked me out. Nonetheless, that is the only two options I have left to venture, and ease with, as I right now I still couldn't give up my career just yet. The fact that I have and must put trust to someone I don't truly know to look after my children with the knowledge that that is actually my responsibility really ashamed me. I don't think that I am being justice to them, and both of them deserve just the best.

I believe that most working parents face the same dilemma as I have, especially the mothers. It's difficult to make choice, but that is the life. Once I read a recent Facebook status from a lady friend (whom I feel is closer than a sister, more like a mother) sharing a thoughtful saying from a friend.

'Climb your career ladder when everyone in your family is ready, especially your kids. No point you have tonnes of money or titles when you hardly see your kids grow. Be a hands on mother. You have arrive (somehow) in your life, and your kids' life are about to begin.'

The last phrase caught me, and I agree every bits of it, and that put me into thousand of thought.

Most career-oriented people would likely say 'Parents nowadays do send kids to nursery or school, so there's nothing to worry. ' But after being a fully stay at home mother for quite a while, leaving them to continue my career is really one big challenge.

I know that my husband also feel the same tension as I am, as both of us have great feelings for our kids. I don't know my kids feeling right now, but I am pretty sure that will be tough for them to learn to live a new life, trusting their new caretaker-to-be, and when the time comes I hope their brother-sister relationship will get stronger and stronger each day. I am counting to my eldest child to keep an eye to his baby sister, and I hope he would be her strong barrier to guard his sister when I am not around.

My husband darling, though there were times I was so distracted, so annoying, I hope you would understand. I do know that I will have to accept the fact that I will have to work again. And I am slowly learning to accept the reality, slowly making plans, slowly resetting and upgrading my emotion and thinking. I couldn't afford to have any other choice (just yet) but to trust someone else to care them. But sayang, whatever it is, I really appreciate your amazing support, understanding my fears and my worries, and always coming with good plans and strategies that somehow helped me to reorganized and soothed my messed head.

Right now, all I could do is just pray, if only there would be miracles that could relieve my anxiety. I hope my job would never limit my time with my kids, and I hope they will forgive their mummy for have to leave them both alone during working days.. Sooner or later they will understand that sacrificies.

Insya Allah, He Will Show the way. Please Oh Allah, protect our family, protect our marriage and our kids from any evil deeds and devil's doing.

- Mummy loves you both, darling Umair Iskandar and sweetheart Dana Sufiya. And dearest husband, I love you always.. -