Tuesday, November 27, 2012

He Wont Go - Adele

Some say I'll be better without you
But they don't know you like I do
Or at least the sides I thought I knew

I cant bear this time
It drags on as I lose my mind
Reminded by things I find
Like notes and clothes you left behind

Wake me up, wake me up when all is done
I wont rise until this battle's won
My dignity's become undone

But I wont go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

I wont go
I can't do it all alone
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

So petrified, I'm so scared to step into this ride
What if I lose my heart and fail the climb
I wont forgive me if i give up trying

I heard his voice today
I didn't know a single word he said
Not one resemblance to the man I met
Just a vacant broken boy instead

But I wont go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

I wont go
I can't do it all alone
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

There will be times
We'll try and give it up
Bursting at the seams, no doubt
We'll almost fall apart then burn the pieces
To watch them turn to dust
But nothing will ever taint us

I wont go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

I wont go
I can't do it all alone
If this ain't love, then what is?
I am willing to take the risk

Will he... will he still remember me?
Will he still love me even when he's free?
Or will he go back to the place where he would chose the poison over me?

When we spoke yesterday,
You said to hold my breath... to sit and wait
"I'll be home so soon, I wont be late"

He wont go
He cant do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
He's willing to take the risk

So I wont go
He cant do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
We're willing to take the risk

Cause he wont go
He cant do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
We're willing to take the risk

I wont go
I cant do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk

Dugaan Dalam Kehidupan Bercinta

Adakalanya kita diuji dengan pelbagai bentuk ujian. Adakala sukar, adakala ujian itu terlalu manis hingga kita terleka baik buruknya.

Cinta umpamanya.. Sesuatu yang sungguh misteri. Sangat manis.. Tapi adakalanya sangat menyakitkan. Namun andai berlandaskan syariat, cinta itu pasti kekal tersergam utuh tidak goyang bila diuji. Andai sahaja yang wanita nya tahu batas pergaulan, tahu menjaga auratnya, suaranya, liuk gemalainya... Andai sahaja yang jejaka nya tahu batas dosa di mana, lemahnya iman wanita, bijak mengawal keadaan.. Mana mungkin kerosakan mampu berlaku. Apalagi dalam perhubungan teruna dara bila syaitan sering menghasut untuk ke arah maksiat. Apalagi dalam sebuah keluarga yang telah dibina atas nama Tuhan yang Maha Agung, yang mana sentiasa menjadi landasan syaitan bermain dengan api, menggugat keimanan hingga tergerak dalam diri hendak menggegar Arasy.

Meski dilitupi dengan sebuah tabir persahabatan, perlu juga ada batas di situ. Yang sah perlu dijaga, yang tidak boleh perlu dipelihara. Jangan sampai Tuhan menghukum dengan sesuatu yang kemudian kita sendiri kesali.

Mungkin ada yang berpendapat, mereka sudah tidak sehaluan.. Tetapi siapakah kita untuk menentukan masa depan itu? Sekiranya perhubungan itu mendatangkan mudarat, maka wajar sekali mendapat pembelaan. Namun andai ujiannya berupa kebebasan yang tertahan, nah, cuba fikirkan berapa banyak pahala boleh dikutip jika kita redha dan sentiasa bersyukur.

Andai dari mulanya dia sudah kita terima sebagai teman hidup, segala baik dan buruknya pasti kita sanggup hadapi. Dan pastinya kita sanggup lakukan apa sahaja demi dia yang dikasihi. Itulah namanya pengorbanan demi sebuah cinta. Tiada percintaan yang lebih indah melainkan adanya pengorbanan.

Pengorbanan melawan hawa nafsu antara teruna dara.. Pastinya lebih manis percintaan mereka bila cinta dimeterai dalam ikatan akad yang sah. Pengorbanan suami mencari nafkah untuk keluarga, pastinya hubungan kekeluargaan lebih manis bila semua ahli tahu menghargai jerih perihnya. Pengorbanan seorang isteri mengandungkan dan melahirkan zuriat, pastinya lebih manis bila rumahtangga dibina dihiasi dengan gelak tawa si kecil.

Namun yang aneh, walau dengan segala pengorbanan ada juga yang tersasar. Adakah sudah hilang rasa syukur di situ? Adakah hilang rasa malu di situ? Adakah si makhluk kecil yang jahat itu telah mula berkampung dalam diri di situ? Tepuk dada tanya diri. Adakah kita semakin jauh dari rahmatNya ataupun kita sendiri yang menjauhkan diri.

Maka nikmat Tuhanmu yang manakah yang kau dustakan...

Friday, November 16, 2012

I See It Now. Nordette N. Adams.

Today, I understood why I never speak to you
or let you see me or let me see you.
My understanding is the color of strange red pearls
strewn across my yellow belly.

I sing a coward's song.

Today I knew that what I feel for you is not hate, like you think,
but fear that if I trust a civil word between us
you will break the last piece of my heart,
the part your treacherous heel missed the first time and left.

I am wise in cowardice.

Today you crossed my mind and I imagined laughing at your joke
after knowing what I had to say in the morning would be a line that made you smile at noon 
if you were still the you I once risked life to love.

You are pollen.
I am allergic.

You are saturated fat.
I am a fragile artery.

You are extravagance.
I am a pauper.

Wake Up It's Not A Dream. Pamela Stackhouse-huff

He drifts in
like the gentleness of a stream.
It all happens
so fast

Wake up…
it’s not a dream.
Before you know
you’re giving and he’s taking
But you are blind
to this deception.

As he uses his insecurities
as a weapon
This “poor man”
he says that he needs your love.
But you also have needs
that need to be taken care of.

He makes everything seem
like it is all your fault.
And you accept it
with a grain of salt.

You lose the meaning
of what life is all about.
You’re falling
and you can’t get out.

When you give away
your soul to someone else
He makes you
his little wallflower on the shelf.
You fight
and you don’t even know how it started.

Your heart aches…
you have parted.
He begs for your forgiveness
…and you go back.

You love
you’re insecure
waiting for the next attack.
I never knew that love
was so mean.
Wake up. . . it’s not a dream.

Source: Wake Up It's Not A Dream, Betrayal Poem 

Friday, November 9, 2012

Work Calls...

Hello friends...

Last few week I was not well, I had a fever, my temperature was like over 38 degree with body aches, as if having flu. And after some paracetamol and clarinase, this morning I feel better, although I still had the body aches, which I took Panadol for Joints and Muscles to relieve the tightness of the muscle ache.

I just want to share, I almost gotten myself into trouble. Luckily I was driving just about 70km/h. There were three incidents which I fall asleep during driving. Yes.. asleep as in sleeping. When i woke up, the first incident I almost ran to a road divider, secondly I almost knock a car on my right, and thirdly almost missed the green light at the traffic light. But still I need to come to school that day, to complete all necessary forms regarding Pengawasan SPM and meeting with my authority. I need her signature for me to claim the payment of being Pengawas Peperiksaan SPM. And the form need to be submitted by end of this month. I may not get the same opportunity to meet my Pengetua next week, as she already said that she wont be around.

I only manage to be at school for a few hours. I even took the opportunity of discussing something regarding my work commitment with my immediate boss, and trying to find way out (which I prefer not to disclose yet). With some advices and some points to ponder, and finally got the signatures I need I excused myself to go home.

Thank God on my way home I was more alert. But the temperature seems hiking later in the evening. After some paracetamol, my husband took me to a clinic, and I was prescribed with antibiotic.

I still remember one incident during the fever, it was so high I think it must be more than 41 degree I finally decided to soak into a cool water in bathtub. My face was like on fire, and my head felt like exploded. After 10 minutes soaking, I remember having a relaxed feeling.

Wahh.. It's been so long since I had such high fever, the last time I remember was after faculty camping, I think back in 2003, when I was suspected having dengue...

But that was last few weeks. Pray I will have good health then.

And oh.. I am now have my forehead covered, I got three stitches over the deep wound from falling from stairs and knocked on the edge of the door. This saturday the stitches will be removed.

I hope it wont leave nasty scar..

Past, Present, Future (Emily Brontë)

Tell me, tell me, smiling child,
What the past is like to thee ?
'An Autumn evening soft and mild
With a wind that sighs mournfully.’
Tell me, what is the present hour ?
'A green and flowery spray
Where a young bird sits gathering its power
To mount and fly away.’
And what is the future, happy one ?
'A sea beneath a cloudless sun ;
A mighty, glorious, dazzling sea
Stretching into infinity.’

To Be Or Not To Be... (Hamlet, Shakespeare)

To be, or not to be, that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; 
and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;

To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of dispriz'd love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,

When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action