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Friday, November 16, 2012

I See It Now. Nordette N. Adams.

Today, I understood why I never speak to you
or let you see me or let me see you.
My understanding is the color of strange red pearls
strewn across my yellow belly.

I sing a coward's song.

Today I knew that what I feel for you is not hate, like you think,
but fear that if I trust a civil word between us
you will break the last piece of my heart,
the part your treacherous heel missed the first time and left.

I am wise in cowardice.

Today you crossed my mind and I imagined laughing at your joke
after knowing what I had to say in the morning would be a line that made you smile at noon 
if you were still the you I once risked life to love.

You are pollen.
I am allergic.

You are saturated fat.
I am a fragile artery.

You are extravagance.
I am a pauper.


Wake Up It's Not A Dream. Pamela Stackhouse-huff

He drifts in
like the gentleness of a stream.
It all happens
so fast

Wake up…
it’s not a dream.
Before you know
you’re giving and he’s taking
But you are blind
to this deception.

As he uses his insecurities
as a weapon
This “poor man”
he says that he needs your love.
But you also have needs
that need to be taken care of.

He makes everything seem
like it is all your fault.
And you accept it
with a grain of salt.

You lose the meaning
of what life is all about.
You’re falling
and you can’t get out.

When you give away
your soul to someone else
He makes you
his little wallflower on the shelf.
You fight
and you don’t even know how it started.

Your heart aches…
you have parted.
He begs for your forgiveness
…and you go back.

You love
you’re insecure
waiting for the next attack.
I never knew that love
was so mean.
Wake up. . . it’s not a dream.

Source: Wake Up It's Not A Dream, Betrayal Poem
 http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/wake-up-its-not-a-dream#ixzz2CP0f47Vx
 
www.FamilyFriendPoems.com 

Friday, November 9, 2012

Work Calls...

Hello friends...

Last few week I was not well, I had a fever, my temperature was like over 38 degree with body aches, as if having flu. And after some paracetamol and clarinase, this morning I feel better, although I still had the body aches, which I took Panadol for Joints and Muscles to relieve the tightness of the muscle ache.

I just want to share, I almost gotten myself into trouble. Luckily I was driving just about 70km/h. There were three incidents which I fall asleep during driving. Yes.. asleep as in sleeping. When i woke up, the first incident I almost ran to a road divider, secondly I almost knock a car on my right, and thirdly almost missed the green light at the traffic light. But still I need to come to school that day, to complete all necessary forms regarding Pengawasan SPM and meeting with my authority. I need her signature for me to claim the payment of being Pengawas Peperiksaan SPM. And the form need to be submitted by end of this month. I may not get the same opportunity to meet my Pengetua next week, as she already said that she wont be around.

I only manage to be at school for a few hours. I even took the opportunity of discussing something regarding my work commitment with my immediate boss, and trying to find way out (which I prefer not to disclose yet). With some advices and some points to ponder, and finally got the signatures I need I excused myself to go home.

Thank God on my way home I was more alert. But the temperature seems hiking later in the evening. After some paracetamol, my husband took me to a clinic, and I was prescribed with antibiotic.

I still remember one incident during the fever, it was so high I think it must be more than 41 degree I finally decided to soak into a cool water in bathtub. My face was like on fire, and my head felt like exploded. After 10 minutes soaking, I remember having a relaxed feeling.

Wahh.. It's been so long since I had such high fever, the last time I remember was after faculty camping, I think back in 2003, when I was suspected having dengue...

But that was last few weeks. Pray I will have good health then.

And oh.. I am now have my forehead covered, I got three stitches over the deep wound from falling from stairs and knocked on the edge of the door. This saturday the stitches will be removed.

I hope it wont leave nasty scar..


Past, Present, Future (Emily Brontë)


Tell me, tell me, smiling child,
What the past is like to thee ?
'An Autumn evening soft and mild
With a wind that sighs mournfully.’
 
Tell me, what is the present hour ?
'A green and flowery spray
Where a young bird sits gathering its power
To mount and fly away.’
 
And what is the future, happy one ?
'A sea beneath a cloudless sun ;
A mighty, glorious, dazzling sea
Stretching into infinity.’

To Be Or Not To Be... (Hamlet, Shakespeare)

To be, or not to be, that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; 
and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;

To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of dispriz'd love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,

When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Dana: Kali Kedua Bermalam Di Hospital

Salam Ramadhan buat sekalian warga pelayar jaringan internet. Minggu ini banyak benar dugaan melanda, ujian demi ujian semenjak pulang ke tanahair. Namun ku cekalkan jua hati dengan senyuman, beserta bekalan kata semangat dari sang suami.

Saya baru sahaja mula bertugas awal Julai lalu, selepas menyambung cuti tanpa gaji lagi sebulan selepas melapor diri di Jabatan. Itu pun ada macam-macam peristiwa yang berlaku. Biarlah, kurang manis dicoretkan di sini. Sebulan saya bercuti, kebajikan anak-anak di bawah tanggungjawab saya sepenuhnya sewaktu siang hari, dengan malamnya dikongsi bersama suami. Tapi bermula pada minggu ketiga saya bercuti tambahan, saya mulai perlahan-lahan secara berperingkat menghantar anak-anak saya ke taska dengan harapan mereka akan dapat menyesuaikan diri dengan persekitaran baru bila saya sudah milai bertugas kelak.

Hari pertama saya menghantar anak-anak ke taska, memang terkait naluri keibuanku tatkala melihat anak terunaku memberontak enggan ditinggalkan, dan puteriku menjerit menangis. Sepuluh minit pertama luruh jua airmataku bila suara mereka masih jelas kedengaran. Lantas suami datang dengan harapan dapat memujuk, tetapi usaha kami tidak berjaya, hari pertama hanyalah sesi perkenalan sahaja. Hiba hatiku memandang putera puteriku menangis tersedu-sedu sepanjang perjalanan kembali ke rumah.

Tiga minggu kemudian, barulah anak-anak mulai menerima persekitaran baru, itu pun setelah dua minggu saya bertugas. Alhamdulillah.. Namin ujian datang lagi. Sebermula tarikh pertama mereka menjejak kaki ke taska, bermula lah rentetan peristiwa demam, batuk, selsema.. Kesian anak-anak mummy. Tiga kali kami bawa ke klinik kanak-kanak. Sekejap baik, lepas t tu mula balik.. Sampailah kali ketiga, antibiotik si abang berkesan, demam sudah tiada. Tapi si adik, demam aa pasang surut. Maka doktor klinik telah merujuk si adik ke hospital untuk siasatan lanjut..

Maka di Hospital Putrajaya la puteriku dirujuk. Pada hari itu saya sendiri sudah merasa kurang sihat, batuk dan sakit kepala, tetapi saya tetap perlu bekerja, dan masih wajib berpuasa. Kebetulan cuti suami diluluskan hari itu, kerana barang-barang kontena kami baru sahaja dihantar ke rumah hari Jumaat minggu sebelumnya. banyak kotak-kotak yg perlu dibuka dan dikemaskan. Maka saya serah pada suami akan urusan menghantar anak ke hospital.

Petang itu, iaitu hari Selasa lepas, suami maklumkan pada saya bahawa puteri kami perlu masuk wad. Allahu... Petang itu saya minta bantuan teman untuk menggantikan kelas saya sebelum say balik awal dengan kebenaran khas oleh pentadbir kerana menjaga anak. Saya perlu mengambil putera saya di taska untuk diserah pada jagaan suami.

Meluncur lah saya balik, singgah ke rumah dahulu packing baju Dana dan baju saya, barang2 mandi, diapers, charger hp, sebelum menuju ke taska. Sampai di taska, anak saya agak hairan kerana biasanya ayah dia yang ambil.

Tiba di hospital, saya terpaksa berlawan lidah dengan pengawal, dia enggan membenarkan saya naik bersma Umair ke ward. Habis tu pada siapa saya nak tinggalkan dia? Saya berkeras nak bawa juga dia naik, dan akhir usaha saya call suami supaya dia bercakap dengan pengawal itu. Kemudian pengawal itu mengiring saya naik ke wad, memastikan apa benar ada doktor yang nak bertemu anak saya.

Bila dia lihat saya sudah berada di kalangan kelompok doktor, agaknya dalam 'housemanship programme', pengawal itu terus beredar. Saya ambil alih tugas menjaga Dana, dan suami saya mengambil tugas menjaga Umair.

Selama lima hari kami tidak bersama.. Sangat rindu.. Lima malam saya tidur menemankan Dana di sebelahnya atas katil bayi, saiznya seperti katil baby standard, lebih kurang 1/4 katil queen size bed.. Huhu.. Terasa sungguh.. Kemudian bila berbuka sendirian, sahur sendirian... Hari kedua saya di hospital, saya demam. Saya dapat MC selama dua hari, atas masalah saya tidak sihat, agaknya dapat dari Dana.. Hari ketiga iaitu hari Jumaat, saya apply untuk cuti rehat khas, sehari.. Pada mulanya sekolah enggan kerana cuti saya hanya layak untuk 3 hari sahaja. Tapi saya berkeras takpelah walaupun hari Jumaat itu jam bertugas saya hanyalah 3 jam sahaja, saya redha. Lagipun saya baru sembuh demam, saya mahu rehat, dan saya perlu menjaga anak. Dua hari puasa saya bocor. Sebab saya tidak sihat, dan memberi kesan pada susu, dan saya perlu makan dan minum ubat ikut masa supaya cepat sembuh. Saya wajib kuat untuk anak!





Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Working Again.. (-_-')

Salam, happy Ramadan Kareem to all muslim brothers and sisters. Today would be the sixth day of fasting, insya Allah I might be able to complete the fast for this month.

Today too, I would be on my forth weeks of starting to work again. Alhamdulillah, I was placed in Puchong and it is just a maximum driving hour of just under 40min, depending on the traffic.

Some of you might say 'Whoa.. Puchong aa? Very 'exciting'!'.. Well, I couldn't agree more. It is indeed very 'interesting' and for those who are about to write some research paper, mainly about student and their background, I would highly recommended Puchong area, a lot of potential issue to be explored.

For about a month working, I only could say that it was challenging. Never in my working lives I had ever witness such interesting prospect (s?) in front of my eyes. Being a new school counsellor, I am constantly being observed by the student, as well as the teachers. From what I wear to what I said, all were judged, and yet I am still working very hard to plant some roots of trust around. But since day one I was given a hardcore case, which means I have no choice but to force the trust from the student to me... So challenging.

I believe it is inappropriate for me to jot down in details about my works at my new school, nor exposing the name of my working place to the virtual audience. I think it would be just enough for me to conclude that it is now a very challenging and tough position to handle. Oh, I do have something that I could share. My school was just recently received one discipline issue, where a group of students were caught 'fixing' 3 teacher's car plat number, and one of the car suffers some scratches. And it was done out of boredom, as the victims were known at school as passionate and kind teachers.. What more I can say, and that was not a new case for this year.

Enough about school. Causing me headache everything the thought cross my mind.

Last time I wrote that my kids were unwell. And again my two beautiful kids are having slight fever (was high last week), coughing, running nose, but with a very happy go lucky attitude... Never been to nursery, the paed said that it is common for new kids trying to fit into a new environment. They will catch the new germs from their interaction with friends which could cause sickness and those are the things that I could never can control. All that we as parents could help is only trying to control the problem that were brought by the new virus at nursery. It would buy some time for the body to find it own time to create antibody to fight back all the germs.

Pray hard! May Allah Bless my children and my family with good health, sane mind, right attitude, good faith and forever love. Aminnn...