A Wife's Role, Abroad..

I just read a book titled Culture Shock: Successful Living Abroad, The Wife's Guide by Robin Pascoe. The book is full of interesting insights and guidance of the role of a full time housewife of a family that lives abroad.

Allow me to share some of my own experiences, being the spouse of a young Malaysian diplomat living in Belgium. I never thought, that I would marry a diplomat and reside in Brussels. Living abroad comes with its own set of challenges in getting accustomed to the new surrounding what more to blend in. It's somewhat demanding, yet exciting to explore different environment and lifestyle. Notwithstanding, my home soil, Malaysia remains dear to my heart.

A common question from friends and colleagues back home would be, 'what are you doing there? are you studying?' And my standard reply would be, 'no, took a long break from my career to follow my husband abroad'. Then come the next question, 'what does he do there?' to which my reply would be, 'he's a diplomat posted to our Embassy here in Belgium'. But then they would usually asked further, 'what exactly is his job?' Ahhh.. then that's difficult.

Somehow, I could never really figure out the exact role and function of a diplomat, but somehow I do see the need and importance to have our diplomat abroad. I don't think could fully understand his work what more to explain, what does he do he. But I do know that he's always involved in lots of paperworks, meetings, conference, reports arranging important visits by our ministers and officials to Belgium, and so on..


I could still recall my first official outing as a spouse of a Malaysian diplomat. It was last year during Malaysia's National Day reception. Dressed-in purple kebarung with purple selendang, pale greyish heels to match grey handbags, and brooches, accessories, make-up, and smile and greetings.. oh! what a style I must be then.. I stood among the crowd to greet Ambassadors and diplomats from another country and played the role of gracious hostess of that reception. It was indeed a test of my courage to stand perfectly charming as I never been expose to that kind of experience before! Those people were really tall! (I am only 148cm in height) And they looked straight to the eyes, and shook hands really tight. Their voices were clear and loud, compared to my small and soft voice. But nonetheless, as one of the hostesses, I realized that I have to keep a straight yet welcoming face and try my best to 'charm' the guests.

These people are the working people in this continents, and I know nothing of their particular works, and sometimes I really have no idea what were they really talk about, or maybe they were bragging, I was not sure. When the conversation circled about the political aspects or economical aspects of Malaysia, the role of Malaysia in EU, I really can't come out with any what's what to talk about. And that was really tough, to remain as charming as I could. I learned that from that experience, I was expected to always portray the image of Malaysia's culture and lifestyle. The passion, the good nature of our people, the warmth and the lively personality we have in Malaysia. Some of them had never ever been to Asia, let alone Malaysia. And some Europeans I knew expressed their fear to live in Asia, as Malaysia is geographically known situated near to Pacific Volcanic Rings (Lingkaran Gunung Berapi Pasifik). It was quite a challenge to counter these negative perceptions. But the Europeans do genuinely 'amazed' with the diversity of our cultures and customs, our traditional dresses, our hospitality, and I believed these were imprinted in their mind by Malaysians they've met before and from hearsay. These good image could help our country to be known as good place to be in, and to be with. Somehow during the conversation I ended up talking about the difference in our culture, how every races can live together, how our food taste better, and promoted our country on behalf of the 'Tourism Malaysia' for them to come to Malaysia.

As such, I really need to sharpen my conversational skills, particularly in English, and be as witty as I could, as charming as I should, and look as pretty as I can be. For God's Sake, it's not easy to be the image of your country! Even when I am doing groceries, chances are there for me to bump among the European that know who I am, and which country I come from, and whose wife I am. And I have to maintain the good images wherever I go. To think that this is my first experience being a spouse to a diplomat, there will be lots of opportunity and rooms waiting to be explored. As my husband said, 'You shall need to tailor lots of baju kurung, baju kebaya, and buy selendang, and handbags matching with shoes...' I found that idea is really appealing, yet really necessary as I don't want to look in the same dress on every event I attend, as I seldom meeting them in such occasions.

So far, I have encountered quite a number of VVIPs, and from what I saw, there's always a need to learn more about Protocol and Ethics. I was told that every spouses that need to join the husband abroad, would normally required to attend some preparatory courses before leaving the country. I never got the chance to attend any courses, and I knew there must be a good reason why as God may wants me to learn through experience. I am looking forward to learn more from my stay here..

I am so glad that my husband is 'sporting' enough to teach me how to deal with this group of people, and always support the way I carry myself during such events and advising the way I dress and talk, and other stuffs. It's not that simple, literally, when the reality that, when we are in public, we are the images of 'Malaysia's Harmonious and Unique' family. What you say will be judged as the whole Malaysian would says, what you wear will be seen as what the other Malaysian in Malaysia would wear, what you smirk, will be looked as what the rest of Malaysian would smirks.. So one has to keep open mind while living far from their homeland, and appear to be as pleasant yet independent as one could and should be.

At first, I found it really difficult to put in mind, the standard of images I need to depict, and there were always bad times or embarrassing moments happened. But as common a mistake is, there'll always people around advising, 'There's always room for improvement', and I always try my best to look at the bright side. I am still learning, and I wish to be the most adorable wife to my husband, the indispensable and desirable all the time..

Again, please excuse my English..

Honey dear, just so you know, I am now willing to put myself fully in this role, as I always supporting you, and that's how I show you I love you, by being your most gracious companion to stand by your side, always.. though there'll be some ups and downs, but I'll always by your side.