Thursday, April 2, 2009

Being a mother...

I guess being a mother is never an easy task. So many to be fulfilled, yet never have enough time to finish them ever. I came upon the realization, even a good mother do complained, though most of them prefers to hide those feelings and, afraid if others will labels them 'uncaring mother'. That's harsh.

Living in Brussels, does somehow teaching me not to busying on others business, but focused on what I already had. Never compare your deeds with others, and always respect others opinion. Something that was hard to experienced back in my homeland, where those 'caring' neighbour keep prying on others.

My baby is entirely with breastfeeding only, and thankfully, that really eased my life a bit. No bottles to be cleanse and disinfect, no water to be boiled for the baby's milk, no stressing question to be answers on choosing the right brand of milk that don't upset the tummy. Whenever we went for an outing and my baby cries for food, we only had to find some nice place to sit, and within a flick of second I take a seat and feed my baby. And I do feel comfortable, even with people moving to and fro, I sensed their 'that's okay' thought upon seeing me feed my baby. Well of course I do take the 'ethically' measure, I do my best to make sure my baby had enough feedings with a minimum exposure of my flesh. And I do notice people around me seems don't really mind, as seem as when a mother breastfeed a baby in public that's really common.

Even with these blessing... (alhamdulillah for this precious gift)... I can't help but expressed my thankful for the understanding shown by husband last night. He assured me that I can take a rest this morning, when my baby showed his playing skills all night long. My baby refused to sleep, even after I sang, I fed and change his diapers, he kept waking at night, with a cries that hard for me to translate. And that keeps going on till I realized its 5am in the morning! Duh... hard for me to accept... but surprisingly...I have to say...there's not even a bit of anger inside me towards the baby acts, only craves for understanding and support from my husband. And he did provide me enough of them that makes me smiling all day long.

Guess that makes me realized that mother's love IS eternal... and I can't produce even a littlest angry words for my baby... but love and only love all over. I found its hard to blame that tiny precious creatures, and even with the tiredness and sleepiness with the aches on my backbone my baby managed to produce a smile from my lips with his little noise. 'He's tall already...' is one of the sentences I spoke to my husband this morning. Yes, I did shed some tears, I was tired, I didn't get any sleep, I have lots of chores to be done, some meals to prepare...all I need was a pair of warm hands, easing my shoulder... assuring me everything will be alright... and somebody telling me I've done the best as a good mother should be... whatever my heart craves for I do have to express my thanks to my husband... to do the best that he could in that early dawn by helping soothing the baby while I managed myself a few minutes nice nap.

Again... that's a mother's role. I love my son, I love my husband. It's just a thought, unrealistic I must say that I think I am always a good mother. To be a good mother one has to experience hate and tense, and when the loves pour you'll never want to stop them, no matter what are the stakes. Last night, I do feel no anger to my son, but a stupid feelings that said I am fail to be a mother, that leaves me with tears... but with showers of supports I managed to banish those thought away.

I wish my son can understand, I always love him no matter what... and I wish my husband can read these, no matter how complicated your wife is, your wife always grateful with the supports and loves that you give. And with that... I love my son, and my husband. As always.