Oh what a night. My baby was very cranky last midnight. And I didn't have any idea why. I already fed him twice (in a row), changed his nappy, burped him, sang to him, held him. I was so distressed. The peak was when my husband almost tick-off (I mean in a positive way, as he never raises his voice to my baby, and when he started to, I was pretty scared) as he was very tired after a very hectic and busy day in the Embassy. Trying my best to act as an understanding wife and caring mother, I need to handle that matter very delicately. What I did last night was I took my baby to the living room and I slept with him clung onto me, on the sofa. We moved back to the bedroom at 6am. I do feel and still feel guilty to my baby simply because I did scold him at the living room last night. I was really tensed last night, as I was having a quite severe headache, plus with my husband discomfort during the night. Thankfully, after taking a Panadol this morning the pain somehow lessen. And thankfully, my husband was in a good mood this morning, and did kiss us both. And Umair woke in a very cheerful mood.
And now, Umair is napping on the bed, after I played with him this very morning and fed him, and changed his nappy. Looking at him, so peacefully sleeping, a very angelic features... lovable one... how could I come to scold him last night. What a shame...
This morning I promised myself, I'll dedicate my free time to play with Umair. He is really dependent to me these days. He want to cling on me every time he is awake. And another fact here, healthy babies do grow rapidly and steadily, and we never realized it as they grew in our very own eyes. And that really put me through a workout sessions, only by holding him on my shoulder while busying myself doing some of the daily chores.
But no matter how angry I am, how tired I am, now I came to realization, a mother's love is eternal. I couldn't help but trying to beg for forgiveness to my son, even though he's too young to understand my doing. I couldn't help but to love him and care for him, as he is a gift for me from God. He teaches me to control my feelings, to be more mature, to be kinder and gentler, even during his uncontrollable anger.
Honestly here, sometimes I do mad at my baby, but to tell you the truth, I never love someone as much as I love my baby...the mother's love...although I love my husband soooo much, that would fall to another category (sorry dear... but I am all yours, and the baby is ours...)
The weather outside is very nice, and I can see the sun is shining through the window. I do hope today will be a better day for us. There's always a first time, and it's never too late to learn, and there's always room for perfection... Well, nobody's perfect, am I right?
Mommy is so sorry... mommy got headache last night... Umair, will you forgive Mommy for scolding you last night? I'll try not to do that again, no matter how tired I am... Sorry dear...Mommy loves you so much!
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