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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Tips For New Mom 5 : Raising Boy vs Girl

Most experts now agree that basic biology is the main reason that boys act like boys and girls act like girls. Still, hormones alone cannot explain why the gulf between the sexes is so great. Social forces also push boys and girls in different directions right from birth.

Baby talk

Within the first few hours of life, boys and girls are already being treated differently. Studies show that adults describe a newborn baby as "sweet" or "cute" if they think she's a girl. However, when that same baby is wearing a blue outfit, they use words like "strong" and "energetic".

Parents also tend to talk more sweetly and gently to their baby girls than their baby boys, and baby boys get bounced around more playfully before they're even old enough to giggle.

Toys

In many families, boys get the toys with wheels, while girls get the toys with dresses. Children take this message to heart and those as young as 18 months old often associate cars with boys and dolls with girls. These effects can be long-lasting. Children who spend most of their time playing with gender-specific toys will probably have fairly traditional ideas about gender throughout their lives.

Role models

Children pay close attention to the men and women in their lives and often develop gender expectations based on what they see. For example, one little boy’s mum always drank coffee while his dad opted for tea. The boy thought he had it all worked out, until, to his great surprise, he saw a man with a cup of coffee. This shows how important it is to remember that your child is watching and taking notes. So, if you want your children to understand that men can cook and that women can fix things, show them.

These days, the world is full of men doing what not so long ago was considered "women's work" and women doing "men's work". One key to helping your children develop an open mind about gender roles is to point out, for example, a male nurse or a female police officer, and speak positively about that person: "He probably decided to become a nurse because he likes to take care of people" or "She's protecting us all by fighting crime".

If you and your partner play fairly traditional roles in your house and that's not about to change, then you can find creative ways to expose them to other ways of living. Books, television shows and films with men and women in various roles are a great way to do this.

Princess dresses and football kits

By the time girls are two and boys are three or four, they know that there are clothes for girls and clothes for boys and they're reluctant to cross the lines.

Starting from when they’re toddlers, girls receive compliments on everything from their shoes to the ribbons in their hair, so it’s not surprising they want to embrace their girliness. It’s also a good way to fit in with the other girls around them and win their approval.

Reactions to emotion

There's an old, unwritten law when it comes to bumps and bruises. Girls get plenty of sympathy and reassurance, while boys are told it’s not that bad and to be brave. Many parents today encourage their sons and daughters alike to express their emotions, but it's not that easy to change the attitudes we were raised with. Plus, you can't control what your children encounter outside your home, such as on the playground where the old rules may still apply.

This attitude can lead to boys becoming emotionally stifled and staying that way as adults. It’s a shame because in recent years girls and women have been encouraged to be more assertive and decisive, but boys and men have not been pushed to take on more feminine traits, like showing emotion.

Media stereotypes

Television shows, magazines, adverts, music videos and even computer games all promote gender stereotypes. The girls and women appear thin, flawless and sexy, while the men take the macho, alpha male role to the extreme. Even in children’s television programmes the boys will often be the jokers and main characters, while the girls are in the background trying to solve the problem. You don’t need to ban these shows, but it’s a good idea to screen them beforehand or to watch them with your children. That way you can have a discussion afterwards and point out how things aren’t always like that in real life.

Free to be you and me

You'll be a big influence on your child's thinking about gender. Still, don't be surprised if your child's attitude doesn't exactly match up with your own. Even if you've tried to create a gender-neutral environment at home, your little one may still see a rigid dividing line between how boys and girls are "supposed" to act.

This is a normal phase. Children have a deep-seated need to make sense of their world, and they aren't mentally flexible enough to be open-minded. They still see things in black and white. Or in this case, pink and blue.

If your little girl insists on wearing a puffy dress to go shopping, you may just have to go with it. At the same time, don't be alarmed if your son wants to play with dolls because practice in nurturing is good for anyone. When he starts having friends over to play, he'll probably hear that dolls are considered "girl things". He can then decide on his own if he wants to keep playing with the dolls.

As your children grow older, encourage their interests, including the ones that fall outside of traditional gender roles. If your daughter wants to play football or your son wants to take dance lessons give them a chance to discover whether it feels right. After all, in the nicest possible way, it's his life or her life, not yours.

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